Single-moms and dads, are you trying to be “Supermom” or “Superdad”?

Being a single parent and juggling work, kids, the ex, household chores, pets, etc… can be tough. Do you think you have to do it all yourself? In other words do you think you have to be a “Supermom” or “Superdad” to be a great mom or dad? Do you think that if you don’t do it all yourself you’re a failure or not living up your potential? A basic fear that everybody has is to “not be enough”.

If you feel that way, you’re putting way too much pressure on yourself. And the fact is, indirectly, it’s a lot of pressure on the kids as well. By setting unrealistic expectations for yourself you are also role-modeling those types of expectations for your children too. As for me, I was guilty of that too. I definitely tried to do it all and I think my daughter suffered a little because of it. I was never one to ask for help. I thought I could do it all. Then life took a big turn and wow did I have a reality check. I couldn’t do it all. I found myself begging for babysitters, feeling inadequate, overwhelmed and feeling very alone. When I reached out I formed some of my most cherished friendships even to this day.

Sounds familiar?

Let’s face it we can’t all do everything by ourselves and that’s okay. The television shows and movies that we are watching depict single parents doing it all. The truth is they’re not even doing their own hair. It’s fantasy. It’s show business. We’re all getting a warped sense of reality. The bottom line is that sometimes, it’s okay to ask for help.

If you don’t get some kind of balance, that pressure will catch up with you sooner or later and can affect your health or hurt your relationships with your children.

Here are 5 suggestions to make the load a little easier.

1.)   Prioritize your to-do lists

Figure out which things you must do yourself.  If you’re financially able, hire someone to do some of your energy draining tasks so that you can spend more time on the things that are important, like your children. This might involve hiring someone to mow the lawn, hiring a housekeeper or having a neighbor’s kid wash your car.

2.)   Let your kids help

If your children are old enough let them take on some of your responsibility. Perhaps each child could prepare a meal once a week, help with the laundry, rake the lawn or help younger children with their homework. It’s important for children to have certain chores so they feel like an important member of the family.

 3.) Car pool

Work out an arrangement with another mom in the neighborhood and take turns carpooling. You might even give each other a night off and watch each other’s kids once a month so you can go out with the girls (or guys), or on a date.

4.)   Don’t work overtime

Don’t take on extra responsibility at work that takes time away from your children if you don’t need the money. My experience has taught me that time is more important than money to the children unless of course, you need it to pay the basic bills or for survival. But don’t get caught up in thinking that a bigger house, newer car, and bigger things are better than quality time spent at home.

5.)   Let the kids spend extra time with dad or mom

If you have a good co-parent, perhaps the children could go to his (or her) house and extra night or two for you to catch up on some needed rest and relaxation. Just because you have a set parenting plan, it doesn’t mean you can’t modify your visitation schedule once in a while. I’m sure he’ll (or she’ll) enjoy the extra time with the kids.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that we single moms (or single dads) are not perfect.Children laughing and a messy home, is better than a picture-perfect house with no laughter or fun. If you take yourself too seriously you may miss out on some of life’s most precious blessings.

I hope this helps put things in perspective,

Tracy

Visit us on our official website at www.MyTurnYourTurn.com. My Turn Your Turn is a co-parenting website designed to help organize families and improve communication between co-parents sharing children due to divorce or separation.  Specializing in co-parenting tools and shared parenting resources including an online custody calendar,  online divorce journal, child support tracker and more for blended families, single parents and high conflict divorce cases.