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Category Archives: Motherhood

Do you think your cool enough for your teenager?

 

A Middle Eastern woman with her daughter-in-lawI was walking in the mall with Jillian, now 24, and in front of us was a mom with a young teenage daughter, around age 13. The daughter was about 2 feet in front of her mother, and was acting like she wasn’t with her. My daughter and I both laughed. She said “Oh Mom, do you remember when I used to do that”. And I said “I sure do!”. Those were the days when, as a mother, I wasn’t cool, and for that matter, at 13, not many adults were. I soon realized that many teens exhibit this behavior.  It was comforting to know that it wasn’t just me that wasn’t allowed to hug my child or give her a kiss on the cheek in public. Of course, Jillian out grew that stage and a couple years later we were walking arm in arm through the mall once again.

 

That memory got me thinking about those teenage years so I put together a list of  10 ways you know you have a teenager in the family. I hope you get a kick out of it.

 

1) You know you have a teenager when you look in their bedroom and it looks like the room has been robbed and ransacked. Clothes and other items are everywhere.

 

2) You know you have a teenager when you invite your child and their friends to go to the movies and they insist you go to a different movie.

 

3) You know you have a teenager when your child signs you up for a reality show to teach you how to dress.

 

4) You know you have a teenager when they don’t like anything you buy for them for their birthday, Christmas, or any other ocasion.

 

5) You know you have a teenager when it looks like gremlins have been in the kitchen and have eaten everything in sight.

 

6) You know you have a teenager when  you are longer welcomed to volunteer in the classroom or show up with lunch at the cafeteria.( Orders from  your child.)

 

7)  You know you have a teenager when your children are complaining that there bored all of the time even though they have all of the newest electronic games and computer rigmarole available.

 

8) You know you have a teenager when there seems to be a phone growing out of the side of their head or the tip of their fingers..

 

9)  You know you have a teenager when you find a sign on their door that says “no children allowed” or “Enter at your own risk”.

 

10) You know you have a teenager when your child keeps telling you  “You just don’t understand me. Times have changed since you were young.” (like it was all that long ago.)

 

I was trying to be funny with my top 10 but the truth is that teens need their parents and they need to their parents to understand them and show them love and affection. It’s important to stay involved. Many parents are trying to parent on their own and the added stress of separation or divorce makes it even more difficult to bond with teens. I encourage you not to give up and keep trying to fit in their life. They’ll thank you for it later. I found this article interesting; “Why is it so hard for parents to understand their teenagers?” http://www.youthleadersacademy.com/parents-understand-teenagers/ I hope it helps you. I wish I’d read this when I had two teenager girls in the house!

 

We would love to hear about your experiences with your teens! Maybe you can shed some light on the subject for the rest of the parents  who still have those wonderful teenage years to look forward to.

 

Thanks for reading. Spend some time with your teen today!!

 

Tracy

 

Visit us on our official website at www.MyTurnYourTurn.com. My Turn Your Turn is a co-parenting website designed to help organize families and improve communication between co-parents sharing children due to divorce or separation.  Specializing in co-parenting tools and shared parenting resources including an online custody calendar,  online divorce journal, child support tracker and more for blended families, single parents and high conflict divorce cases.

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Memories with grandma and grandpa

GrandparentsLoveI was reading an article on Kidshealth. It said that over 5 million children live with their grandparents. I started reminiscing about when my family went on vacation to visit my grandma and grandpa. Those are great memories. They lived in Florida and they had an orange tree in their yard. We would get up at 5 o’clock in the morning, with my Grandpa, to go fishing in Lake Okeechobee. We caught speckled perch, using worms and then Grandma would clean them and cook them for dinner that night. Sometimes we would go to Fort Pierce and go in the ocean. When I was 14, Walt Disney World opened up and we would go there for one day, every year, for many years. My grandma and grandpa died many years ago but the memories of those vacations make it seem as if it was yesterday.

Unfortunately, when some people get divorced they don’t let their children see their ex spouse’s parents. To me this is unfair because the children deserve to have a relationship with all of their grandparents. Grandparents nurture in different ways than parents do. A child cannot have too much love. If you are one of those parents who try to punish your ex by keeping your child/children away from their parents, I encourage you to think about how that will affect your children. Stop the madness and let your children start  making those memories.

Please let us know what your remedy would be for keeping in touch and building those relationships with their grandparents, even when you’re divorced from their son or daughter.

Visit us on our official website at www.MyTurnYourTurn.com. My Turn Your Turn is a co-parenting website designed to help organize families and improve communication between co-parents sharing children due to divorce or separation.  Specializing in co-parenting tools and shared parenting resources including an online custody calendar,  online divorce journal, child support tracker and more for blended families, single parents and high conflict divorce cases.

 

Are you participating in Parental Alienation?

ParentalAlienationParental alienation seems to be a big topic these days. It wasn’t a term that I was familiar with when I was going through a divorce. This is when one parent purposely turns the child against the other parent. It is a form of brainwashing and as a result the child or children usually get angry with, or doesn’t want to be with, the parent that is alienated. “The New Definition of Parental Alienation” by Douglas Darnall. http://www.parentalalienation.org/articles/parental-alienation-defined.html

Often these children don’t realize what’s happening to them. It usually starts with one parent verbally bashing or belittling the other one and eventually moves on to planting seeds of doubt so that the child actually starts to believe that the other parent is a bad parent, doesn’t care about them, perhaps doesn’t love them, and that their life would be better off without them. Sometimes the child joins in with their own alienating agenda because they have been successfully brainwashed.

As I think back over the years I believe that I have witnessed parents doing this to their children. At the time I knew they were wrong saying the things that they said to their children but didn’t know it actually had a name or how damaging it could be.? Courts are becoming more and more aware of this horrible practice. Children are the ones who suffer and they are robbed of a loving relationship with their parent. To make matters worse in the past most therapist and counselors did not recognize this type of behavior and often believed that the alienated parent must have done something to deserve it. Now, there are numerous books on the subject.

Please think twice before you say something bad about your child’s parent. It is a form of robbery. You are robbing that child of a close relationship with someone who is important in their life. Please know that research shows that children benefit by having healthy relationships with both parents. If and when your children figures out what you have done they will be very hurt, confused, and may never forgive you.

I had a friend whose mother divorced her biological father and married another man when she was very young. They told her that her father had died and convinced her and her siblings that he was a bad person . She found out that her father was alive and met him when she was 45 years old. He had always longed for a relationship with her and was so excited when she found him. She was mortified that her mother had lied and kept her from her biological father for more than 40 years. Her relationship with her mother has never been the same and fortunately for her she now has a wonderful relationship with her estranged father. If you are a victim of parental alienation and your ex-spouse is bashing you, to your children, and continually trying to undermine you it is important that you speak truth to your kids. Being too passive in this type of situation can cause more damage than good. If the alienation is the point of hostility, it’s important that you get professional help and pick someone who is familiar with this type of co-parenting abuse. There are many professionals who specialize in this area.

The alienation is not always by a spouse it can also come from a family member,  as well. Be aware of who your children are spending time and be aware of changes in their behavior when they are around you. Sometimes there are legitimate reasons for children to be protected from an abusive or violent parent but that is not the case with parental alienation. If you feel that you have been participating in parental alienation or are a victim of it please read the book “Divorce Poison” by Dr. Richard A. Warshak. http://warshak.com/divorce-poison/index.html I would like you to know that if you are engaging in parental alienation and the courts determine that you have purposely undermined your child’s parent you could lose custody or have restricted custody because of your maliciousness. Please try to put your children’s needs first and stop bashing the other parent. At My Turn Your Turn we try to encourage parents to be the best co-parents they can be and often that involves having to create a system where they can co- parent and communicate in a way that is nonverbal. Please check out our site at MyTurnYourTurn.com and see the tools that we have prepared to make that part of your life easier. We’d also love to hear your thoughts on parental alienation.

Tracy

Visit us on our official website at www.MyTurnYourTurn.com. My Turn Your Turn is a co-parenting website designed to help organize families and improve communication between co-parents sharing children due to divorce or separation.  Specializing in co-parenting tools and shared parenting resources including an online custody calendar,  online divorce journal, child support tracker and more for blended families, single parents and high conflict divorce cases.

 
 
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