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Monthly Archives: March 2013

Try to look for the good things in a tough co-parenting relationship

co-parent dad holds sonCo-parenting can be challenging but it can also be rewarding. I tried to be thankful for the good things in the tough co-parenting relationship that I had. Even though sometimes it seemed like it was overwhelming, there were some good things about it. Just the fact that we had an amazing daughter to share was special. I couldn’t and still can’t imagine my life without her. There are always good things about everyone. Try to remember the things that attracted you in the first place. Be sure to share those great memories with your children.

Oprah talks about how her life changed the minute she started writing down three things that she was grateful for every day. She said you find yourself looking for things to be grateful about and, that in itself, changes your life. I recommend that you keep a journal and try to write a couple good things about your co-parent each week.

In the My Turn Your Turn co-parenting website a journal is provided for documentation as well as personal memoirs.

I’ve always been a pretty optimistic person and I raised Jillian by myself for the first five years of her life. Her father decided he wanted to be a part of her life and called when she was almost 3. Then, when she was 5 we got married and I moved to Florida, where he was living. I knew on the train trip, moving to Florida, that I made the biggest mistake of my life. Being the optimist that I am, I looked forward and I tried to make the new marriage work. We stayed married for only a year and a half. He never got a job and was emotionally and verbally abusive. I left and that’s when co-parenting and visitation schedules came into my life.

As a single parent again, I found out quickly that when you look at life optimistically chances are your children will too. I was trying to teach Jillian to see the beauty in everything and one day, as I was driving her home from school, she looked out the window and pointed to a construction site of a 7-11. She said to me “Oh, look mommy, Isn’t that beautiful, it looks just like Epcot”. It was so cute and really funny. I knew that she was trying to see the beauty in everything, even a construction site.

It Is a positive thing when a co-parent wants a relationship with your children. Statistics show that children thrive much better when they have both parents involved in their life. “Are you raising fatherless children?”

I recommend that you do everything you can to make your shared parenting relationship work for the benefit of your children. This is not the type of reward that pays monetarily but it will reap you rewards in many other ways. Always look for the good!

Blessings to you,

Tracy

Visit us on our official website at www.MyTurnYourTurn.com. My Turn Your Turn is a co-parenting website designed to help organize families and improve communication between co-parents sharing children due to divorce or separation. Specializing in co-parenting tools and shared parenting resources including an online custody calendar, online divorce journal, child support tracker and more for blended families, single parents and high conflict divorce cases.

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How To Protect Your Income When Child Support and Spousal Support Are Included

Mother and Daughter Enjoying a Video GameMost people understand the need and benefit of having insurance to protect their income from disability or loss of life.  If your household income depended on a spouse’s salary and they passed away unexpectedly, you’d want to have life insurance coverage to replace that income.  If you became unable to work for a period of time, you would also value disability protection to provide income during that time-frame.  You need to consider if you’re divorced and your household income includes child support to care for your children or spousal support to provide maintenance while you secure other means of income.

If your ex-husband passes away or becomes disabled long- term and he doesn’t have the proper insurance protection, those income payments from him will cease.  Your ex may have group coverage available through his employer, but remember that if his employment status changes, the insurance coverage may change as well.  Similarly, he may have the option to lower current coverage to save out- of- pocket costs.

Make sure that you and your lawyer negotiate an appropriate amount of coverage to be required in the final divorce settlement agreement.  What amount should you try to negotiate?  That includes figuring the approximate time that alimony and child support will be paid out and how many children you have.  Other factors such as liabilities, group coverage, and long-term goals such as college expenses for the children can play a part in calculating an appropriate level of protection as well.  Be sure that you consult a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst™ for needs based on your personal circumstances.

Not only checking if you have the coverage, but also verifying that you are the beneficiary of the life policy is important.  Your divorce attorney should be able to include in your divorce agreement that you must receive evidence of your ex’s insurance protection; particularly coverage with you as the beneficiary.

The consequences of not making sure your ex-husband has enough life and disability insurance to protect you and your children could affect you for many years to come.  Requiring life and disability protection with you as the beneficiary can be included in your divorce settlement.  This is an important consideration that we see too often overlooked; especially if you’re currently in an amicable relationship, it’s hard to foresee how things may change later.  It’s best to lay the groundwork for expectations now.  If you don’t get this into the initial agreement it can be extremely difficult, if not impossible, to change after the divorce is finalized.

Thank you,

Travis Francis

As the owner of a financial company for the past 12 years, Travis witnessed many women take a backseat in the financial area, only to end up completely lost and overwhelmed when they lost their husbands to divorce or death. Out of this experience grew 360 refresh®, a unique business designed to guide women through divorce and recovery in all aspects of life. 360 refresh® assists in finding balance in areas such as psychological, physical, financial/legal, and self-improvement. At home, Travis and his wife stay busy chasing their two young sons around and are expecting another child soon. www.360refresh.com

About My Turn Your Turn
Visit us on our official website at www.MyTurnYourTurn.com and sign up for your free 30-day trial. My Turn Your Turn is a co-parenting website that helps organize families and improve communication between co-parents sharing children due to divorce or separation.  Specializing in co-parenting tools and shared parenting resources including an online custody calendar,  online divorce journal, child support tracker and more for blended families, single parents and high conflict divorce cases.

 

 

Empower Your Kids, Help Build Self Esteem With Affirmations

???????????????????????????????So much of what we believe we can do or cannot do, as adults, stems from things that were instilled in us as children. Most parents want their children to be confident, content, productive, and happy adults. Unfortunately,  there exists parents who tend to tear down their children’s confidence as a form of punishment, control, or stemming from their own insecurities. Shame on them. I know firsthand that, when in a co-parenting situation, it can be devastating to know that your child fears, regrets or just plain doesn’t want to go to the other parents home because they are picked on, embarrassed or just not comfortable there. In the case of my daughter, Jillian, she endured all of the above at her dad’s house. As a mom I felt helpless. I had to stick to the shared custody agreement and visitation schedule and although we had both taken the required parenting classes nothing seemed to help.  I tried to encourage her and prayed for her. Their relationship was always strained and ended the week she turned 14.  Thank God she survived and is a very confident young lady.

It’s important to know that what we sow into our children, during their early formative years, shapes their inner self worth and greatly impacts how they see themselves later in life.  About six years ago I did a seminar and learned a tool that has helped me in my own private battles with self-confidence. That tool is saying affirmations, and it works. If you have a child who is being bullied, lacks confidence, has anxiety about going to the other parent’s house, or has low self-esteem, give affirmations a try.

Affirmations are positive sayings, words, bible verses, or phrases that you say to yourself over and over again until they become a part of your thought process and a belief system. Try to make saying these affirmations fun so they will impact your child’s life more quickly. For example; get two mini trampolines. You, the parent, bounce on one and your child bounces on the other. You yell out an affirmation and then your child yells out an affirmation. Make it into a fun game while at the same time you are building your child’s confidence and courage. If you and your child are athletic, try throwing a ball to each other as each phrase is called out . The louder, the better. Go for a power walk and do the same thing.  Shoulders back, head up, March!! Place emphasis on different words in your sentences. Statements must always be positive no negative words or phrases.

Moms and dads, this is a great tool for you too, as your children grows in confidence so shall you.

Here are some power phrases that you might try with your child, or perhaps the two of you could make up some of your own.  Pick about five or six phrases and say them over and over again.

“I am a great kid”
“I have compassion and love”
“I will laugh not cry”
“God is always with me”
“I am in charge of how I feel”
“I have courage”
“I make a difference”
“I am lovable”
“I am smart”
“I am kind”
“I am fun to be around”
“I have a great brother/sister/father/mother”
“I am a great son/ daughter/sister/brother”
“The world is better because I am here”
“My dad loves me”
“My mom loves me”

Emphasize different words; ” I will laugh not cry” ” I WILL laugh not cry”

“I will LAUGH not cry” “I will laugh NOT cry” “I will laugh not CRY”. This gives the sentence a different impact.

Remember, what we put into our mind stays there forever. When we control what we allow in, we start to take charge of what our sub conscious has to work with. Henry Ford once said “If you think You Can or You Think You Can’t, You’re Right.” And I think he’s right. Let’s help our kid know their worth.

Please let us know how this works for you and your child. Share with us a technique that you use to build your child’s confidence. We’d love to share it with our readers.

Tracy

P.S. Affirmations can work to improve the quality of your life as well. Try creating your own list to help you be the best parent, co-parent, step-parent,etc.

About My Turn Your Turn

Visit us on our official website at www.MyTurnYourTurn.com and sign up for your free 30-day trial. My Turn Your Turn is a co-parenting website that helps organize families and improve communication between co-parents sharing children due to divorce or separation.  Specializing in co-parenting tools and shared parenting resources including an online custody calendar,  online divorce journal, child support tracker and more for blended families, single parents and high conflict divorce cases.

 
 
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