Names and faces can lead to childhood bullies

“Sticks and stones may break my bones but names and faces will never hurt me!” I grew up with that phrase and would recite it every time someone did or said something that hurt my feelings. Saying it always made me feel better. That was the beauty of my childhood, words did not have the impact they would have later in my life.

As an adult, I married 2 verbally abusive husbands and endured a tremendous amount of verbal abuse on a daily basis. The words always hurt more than the ones I heard on the playground as a child and took me nearly a decade to overcome. It wasn’t long that my self-esteem and inner voice disappeared. I remember my father saying “Tracy, you have lost your spark, there’s something wrong with you. Your eyes are dead.” I was blocking out the pain and emotions like joy, love and gratitude that I used to feel so freely.  I thought that I was strong enough to stand up to the words and the men. I believed that I could fix everything and them. I was wrong.

It was years later before I realized that the behavior that I was modeling for my daughter and stepdaughter was unacceptable. I knew that I could not stand for that kind of treatment anymore. It wasn’t good enough for my daughter and stepdaughter and it wasn’t good enough for me. I eventually got the courage to leave. I thank God everyday that my daughters did not marry the same kind of men and I am especially grateful that I stopped that pattern in my own life.

Violence comes in many different forms and typically starts with verbal abuse before graduating to physical aggression. I believe the pattern of abuse starts at a very early age and continues into adulthood because of a believe system that words don’t hurt. People don’t just become a verbal or physical abusers overnight. It often starts in their own homes, perhaps by them being bullied by their parents, extended family or siblings. It then leads to them bullying on the playground and in later years their own friends or family members.

Parents, if you or your children are using cruel words towards another person, you need to understand that that type of behavior can lead to more aggressive and abusive types of behavior later in life. Teach your children each and every day to choose their words wisely. Be a positive role model and show them compassion and kindness for others. Volunteer in your community, root for the underdog or help those in need and your children will benefit greatly.

Teachable Moments:

Here is a video of Alye, an eighth grader who has been bullied: http://m.explorernews.com/mobile/news/marana/article_2562685c-6553-11e0-95df-001cc4c03286.html

I recommend that you watch the video with your children and then have a discussion about bullying with them. Ask them if they are saying hurtful things to others or if they have been hurt by words that have been said to them. Help them understand the impact that those words can have not only on the person that they are saying them to, but also on their own future. With one child at a time we can make a difference in the future of all of our children.

Please share your experience of bullying with us. Tell us about your child, possibly bullying someone or perhaps he/she was the victim of bullying. Your story could help another parent on My Turn Your Turn.

Check back next week for an important announcement about our official launch of http://www.MyTurnYourTurn.com

Thank you for reading,

Tracy Taylor, CEO/Founder
My Turn Your Turn

co-written by: Erika Raia

Visit us on our official website at www.MyTurnYourTurn.com. My Turn Your Turn is a co-parenting website designed to help organize families and improve communication between co-parents sharing children due to divorce or separation.  Specializing in co-parenting tools and shared parenting resources including an online custody calendar,  online divorce journal, child support tracker and more for blended families, single parents and high conflict divorce cases.