RSS

Co-parents! Do you have a will? Who will get your children?

Mother Bathing Baby (12-18 Months)

Many parents don’t think they need a will, especially young parents. The truth is that having a will is very important at any age. Have you ever thought about who would have guardianship over your children if something was to happen to you. If you don’t make plans for that now, and something was to happen to you, the state would decide where your children would live and who would be responsible for them.

I used to think about that a lot when my daughter was young because she was afraid to go to her father’s house and she often said “Mommy, what if you die?” I would assure her that nothing was going to happen to me, but in the back of my mind I kept wondering “What if it did”?

What about you? Have you made arrangements yet? If not, hopefully you just won’t think about it but take action and draw up a will now. Whether your children are young, grown, or in between, planning can get complicated. That’s why I think it’s important for you to use a professional to help you sort out the details. When you receive your will, make sure that your co-parent has a copy. You can download a copy in your My Turn Your Turn journal  and share it with your co-parent. You can email your entry to anyone you choose as well.

I saw an article on the BabyCenter website that was very informative, “Why every parent needs a will”.  I thought this article was done very well. It suggested that people hire a professional to draw up their will but it also gave tips for preparation and what you need to do if you want to draft it yourself.

I recommend that you check with your employer to see if your benefits package includes some kind of  pre-paid legal or will preparation plan. If not, you can contact an attorney and have them help you draft your will and/or guardianship papers. It’s okay to procrastinate about some things, but when it comes to your children and their future, this is not something you should take lightly. Taking care of this important issue will give you some peace of mind.

Of course, we all hope that you will live to a ripe old age and have many wonderful years with your children and even their children. However,  when it comes to your children’s future, you can never be too careful.

Tracy

 

Visit us on our official website at www.MyTurnYourTurn.com. My Turn Your Turn is a co-parenting website designed to help organize families and improve communication between co-parents sharing children due to divorce or separation.  Specializing in co-parenting tools and shared parenting resources including an online custody calendar,  online divorce journal, child support tracker and more for blended families, single parents and high conflict divorce cases.

 

Are you participating in Parental Alienation?

ParentalAlienationParental alienation seems to be a big topic these days. It wasn’t a term that I was familiar with when I was going through a divorce. This is when one parent purposely turns the child against the other parent. It is a form of brainwashing and as a result the child or children usually get angry with, or doesn’t want to be with, the parent that is alienated. “The New Definition of Parental Alienation” by Douglas Darnall. http://www.parentalalienation.org/articles/parental-alienation-defined.html

Often these children don’t realize what’s happening to them. It usually starts with one parent verbally bashing or belittling the other one and eventually moves on to planting seeds of doubt so that the child actually starts to believe that the other parent is a bad parent, doesn’t care about them, perhaps doesn’t love them, and that their life would be better off without them. Sometimes the child joins in with their own alienating agenda because they have been successfully brainwashed.

As I think back over the years I believe that I have witnessed parents doing this to their children. At the time I knew they were wrong saying the things that they said to their children but didn’t know it actually had a name or how damaging it could be.? Courts are becoming more and more aware of this horrible practice. Children are the ones who suffer and they are robbed of a loving relationship with their parent. To make matters worse in the past most therapist and counselors did not recognize this type of behavior and often believed that the alienated parent must have done something to deserve it. Now, there are numerous books on the subject.

Please think twice before you say something bad about your child’s parent. It is a form of robbery. You are robbing that child of a close relationship with someone who is important in their life. Please know that research shows that children benefit by having healthy relationships with both parents. If and when your children figures out what you have done they will be very hurt, confused, and may never forgive you.

I had a friend whose mother divorced her biological father and married another man when she was very young. They told her that her father had died and convinced her and her siblings that he was a bad person . She found out that her father was alive and met him when she was 45 years old. He had always longed for a relationship with her and was so excited when she found him. She was mortified that her mother had lied and kept her from her biological father for more than 40 years. Her relationship with her mother has never been the same and fortunately for her she now has a wonderful relationship with her estranged father. If you are a victim of parental alienation and your ex-spouse is bashing you, to your children, and continually trying to undermine you it is important that you speak truth to your kids. Being too passive in this type of situation can cause more damage than good. If the alienation is the point of hostility, it’s important that you get professional help and pick someone who is familiar with this type of co-parenting abuse. There are many professionals who specialize in this area.

The alienation is not always by a spouse it can also come from a family member,  as well. Be aware of who your children are spending time and be aware of changes in their behavior when they are around you. Sometimes there are legitimate reasons for children to be protected from an abusive or violent parent but that is not the case with parental alienation. If you feel that you have been participating in parental alienation or are a victim of it please read the book “Divorce Poison” by Dr. Richard A. Warshak. http://warshak.com/divorce-poison/index.html I would like you to know that if you are engaging in parental alienation and the courts determine that you have purposely undermined your child’s parent you could lose custody or have restricted custody because of your maliciousness. Please try to put your children’s needs first and stop bashing the other parent. At My Turn Your Turn we try to encourage parents to be the best co-parents they can be and often that involves having to create a system where they can co- parent and communicate in a way that is nonverbal. Please check out our site at MyTurnYourTurn.com and see the tools that we have prepared to make that part of your life easier. We’d also love to hear your thoughts on parental alienation.

Tracy

Visit us on our official website at www.MyTurnYourTurn.com. My Turn Your Turn is a co-parenting website designed to help organize families and improve communication between co-parents sharing children due to divorce or separation.  Specializing in co-parenting tools and shared parenting resources including an online custody calendar,  online divorce journal, child support tracker and more for blended families, single parents and high conflict divorce cases.

 

Parents have you given your teenager a hug today?

Teen Daughter Kissing MotherI came across an article that talked about how important hugs are and how they benefit a child’s emotional well-being, even in their teenage years. Therapists say about 8-12 hugs a day is best for emotional wellbeing.http://www.sharecare.com/question/hugs-important-to-emotional-health

That got me thinking about my own childhood and I was trying to remember if I received a lot of hugs. From my mom? No! I can’t remember her ever hugging me.  Hugs from my dad? Yes but more of the tousling my hair (knuckle sandwiches), pretending to get my nose between his fingers and the overall love that he showed which made me really feel special.  My siblings? No not until we were much older.

I think that growing up I was not emotionally secure. I felt insecure and it took me many years to feel worthy of love and have the inner strength to know that I could do anything I set my mind to.  I definitely spent years seeking attention and approval from many different people. It wasn’t until I had a daughter of my own that I realized hugs had been missing in my own childhood. I couldn’t hug her enough.  I didn’t understand why my mother was not more affectionate with me and my sisters. To make matters worse she adored my brother (10 years younger than my younger sister) and he never lacked the hugs and attention from her like we did.

Parents, I want to encourage you to hug your children. Maybe not overdo it with your teenagers in public so that they are embarrassed, but let them know how special they are. Maybe start with a  loving pat on the back several times a day.  Maybe you already do that. If hugs are missing in your life, I know that it can feel uncomfortable to start now but it is really important to have that physical, I love you, contact with your children. Research shows that inwardly they are craving it, no matter what they say.

Here’s are some sites that have a lot of good information on hugs:

“Hugs are good for you”. http://www.squidoo.com/hugs-are-good-for-you#module12448682

“Can a hug make teenagers less terrible.” http://www.scotsman.com/news/can-a-hug-make-teenagers-less-terrible-1-1090161

“Do teens need hugs?”  http://ronaejull.com/2012/06/21/do-teens-need-hugs/

I would love to hear how you connect with your teenagers. Have you hugged them today? What is your advice on how other parents can get started to implement that into their daily life.

I send you a hug,

Tracy

Visit us on our official website at www.MyTurnYourTurn.com. My Turn Your Turn is a co-parenting website that organizes families and improves communication between co-parents sharing children due to divorce or separation.  Specializing in co-parenting tools and shared parenting resources including an online custody calendar,  online divorce journal, child support tracker and more for blended families, single parents and high conflict divorce cases.

 
 
They Call Me Mummy

A Quest to Discover the Woman Within

(601) 850-8000 - - Thompson Law Firm, pllc

Divorce, Child Custody & Child Support, Alimony, Contempt, Modification, Youth Court, Adoption and Appeals.

Erika Rossi-Raia

Marketing & Communications Consultant for small businesses

WotWentWrite?

FOR WOMEN WHO WANT TO CELEBRATE THE GOOD THINGS…

amandawymer

UFO Reseacher

About The Children, LLC's Blog

"We're About The Children, it's about time." (800) 787-4981

Prego and the Loon

Pregnant and Dealing With Domestic Violence

Age No Barrier

Exercise isn't just for the young and fit - it's for everyone.

prernatalreja

Just another WordPress.com site

this man's journey

Each journey has a story to tell. Each story has the possibility to bring about change, hope, joy, comfort, healing.

Faithrises

"Discussions on faith and perseverance"

Mom and Boys

Figuring it out one day at a time.

Sell, Lead, Succeed!

Selling, Social Networking, Personal Branding, Leading, & Lots Of Fun!

Life of a Busy Dad

Life adventures of a dad of four kids with three of them under the age of Nine.

clotildajamcracker

The wacky stories of a crazy lady.

%d bloggers like this: