So much of what we believe we can do or cannot do, as adults, stems from things that were instilled in us as children. Most parents want their children to be confident, content, productive, and happy adults. Unfortunately, there exists parents who tend to tear down their children’s confidence as a form of punishment, control, or stemming from their own insecurities. Shame on them. I know firsthand that, when in a co-parenting situation, it can be devastating to know that your child fears, regrets or just plain doesn’t want to go to the other parents home because they are picked on, embarrassed or just not comfortable there. In the case of my daughter, Jillian, she endured all of the above at her dad’s house. As a mom I felt helpless. I had to stick to the shared custody agreement and visitation schedule and although we had both taken the required parenting classes nothing seemed to help. I tried to encourage her and prayed for her. Their relationship was always strained and ended the week she turned 14. Thank God she survived and is a very confident young lady.
It’s important to know that what we sow into our children, during their early formative years, shapes their inner self worth and greatly impacts how they see themselves later in life. About six years ago I did a seminar and learned a tool that has helped me in my own private battles with self-confidence. That tool is saying affirmations, and it works. If you have a child who is being bullied, lacks confidence, has anxiety about going to the other parent’s house, or has low self-esteem, give affirmations a try.
Affirmations are positive sayings, words, bible verses, or phrases that you say to yourself over and over again until they become a part of your thought process and a belief system. Try to make saying these affirmations fun so they will impact your child’s life more quickly. For example; get two mini trampolines. You, the parent, bounce on one and your child bounces on the other. You yell out an affirmation and then your child yells out an affirmation. Make it into a fun game while at the same time you are building your child’s confidence and courage. If you and your child are athletic, try throwing a ball to each other as each phrase is called out . The louder, the better. Go for a power walk and do the same thing. Shoulders back, head up, March!! Place emphasis on different words in your sentences. Statements must always be positive no negative words or phrases.
Moms and dads, this is a great tool for you too, as your children grows in confidence so shall you.
Here are some power phrases that you might try with your child, or perhaps the two of you could make up some of your own. Pick about five or six phrases and say them over and over again.
“I am a great kid”
“I have compassion and love”
“I will laugh not cry”
“God is always with me”
“I am in charge of how I feel”
“I have courage”
“I make a difference”
“I am lovable”
“I am smart”
“I am kind”
“I am fun to be around”
“I have a great brother/sister/father/mother”
“I am a great son/ daughter/sister/brother”
“The world is better because I am here”
“My dad loves me”
“My mom loves me”
Emphasize different words; ” I will laugh not cry” ” I WILL laugh not cry”
“I will LAUGH not cry” “I will laugh NOT cry” “I will laugh not CRY”. This gives the sentence a different impact.
Remember, what we put into our mind stays there forever. When we control what we allow in, we start to take charge of what our sub conscious has to work with. Henry Ford once said “If you think You Can or You Think You Can’t, You’re Right.” And I think he’s right. Let’s help our kid know their worth.
Please let us know how this works for you and your child. Share with us a technique that you use to build your child’s confidence. We’d love to share it with our readers.
P.S. Affirmations can work to improve the quality of your life as well. Try creating your own list to help you be the best parent, co-parent, step-parent,etc.
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